Race over?

I am contemplating admitting defeat.

With nine weeks to go before the marathon, I have not run further than 10 miles.

Training is constantly getting way laid by illnesses. This week alone I've already missed a run, and thanks to this persistent cold/flu I won't be doing my long run tomorrow either. My eye is becoming gunky and red, probably conjunctivitis so that means no contact lenses for a bit now too, and I find running in glasses impossible.

Every time I miss a run I beat myself up, even if the reason is beyond my control. The pressure of keeping up with training, building up the business, looking after the kids and contending with all our illnesses is getting to me. This isn't what it's meant to be about for me, it's meant to be about feeling confident and energised and proud of what I'm achieving, not flat and frustrated that I'm not doing enough.

I don't want to quit. Lord knows from my previous posts you can tell how much this means to me. But I'd rather not run it at all, than run it and fail again. Maybe I should focus on shorter runs this year, and try for the marathon again in 2016.

People told me it would be too much for me this year, I hate to admit that they were probably right.

I hate failing. I hate giving up. But I have to admit that not having the pressure of a race deadline hanging over me would make me feel a lot less stressed right now.

The marathon was my focus when I was at my worst, my goal to aim for and the thing to hang on to - am I wrong to let go of that now? Am I just not having enough faith in myself, or am I being realistic?